My Little Corner of the Universe

Is it Time Yet?

2012-03-04T19:12:00.000-08:00

I've been talking to a lot of people recently. There are a few that I've fallen for. I'm not looking into appearance, I look for brains. People I can manage conversations with, people I can connect with mentally. That is more important than if they're a good lay, that's only a bonus.
I do have sexual desires, but not often to where it's all I ever want. I do want love, but I want someone I can communicate with without having relationship issues to be brought up.
It's been real difficult because naturally appearance matters, but not as much as it used to be. I love love and would rather love something that can only become wiser than something that will only fade away with time.

Thoughts Within the White Noise

2012-02-27T00:07:00.000-08:00

It is incredibly late at night, or early in the morning. However it is to be thought does not change that it is 1 in the morning and I have school today. I should be sleeping, I should be soundly dreaming. The sheep should be leaping counting me into a deep deep dream. It should be quiet in my head. It should be sleeping along with me, but it isn't. My thoughts are what have kept me awake through my obvious exhaustion tonight.
Everything lingers my brain at night time. It partially has to do with the fact that I am a night owl. I prefer doing things at night and at times that is when I feel most alive. My schedule doesn't allow for that, though. Of course, that will not stop me from staying up a full night, knowing my next sleep will be a long time away.
I think about how gorgeous my life is. It does not matter that I'm not always satisfied because I'm able to accept it. I don't have high standards. It's fantastically simple to make me happy, and even now as I type this, the simple feeling of expressing my thoughts makes me glimmer with joy. It should never have been as difficult as I had made it seem when I was younger to feel as good as I do now. The simplicity of seeing someone smile, feeling warmth when it's cold, being around those that I love, is enough.
I think about my friends. I hope they are doing stupendous. I adore my friends. Every single one of them, do I love. They mean tons to me, and most have been there for me, making it clear why I love them. I do miss some of them, I must admit. I long for the attention of some friends I haven't been able to be around lately. Disregarding my lack of knowledge of them, I still hope they are doing perfectly fine.
There is an infinity of things that are running miles in my head, too many to type.
I just know that I am going to try my best to calm my thoughts for tonight. I will smother myself in the warmth of my blankets, imagining that I'm laying next to the one I crave most. My pillow designed to carefully cradle and hold my head in a soothing position, allowing my brain to realize it's time for bed.
Goodnight world, goodnight brain.

Cliche Imperfections

2012-02-21T22:38:00.000-08:00

The idea of being flawless is a perfect one. There were many times when things I did were already being regretted in the process. Surely, this has happened to most humans. Anyone that says that nothing they have done (and sincerely mean it) is regretted is a blatant lie. This phrase should have never reached the mind of any being. Even if it's the smallest of things, something we've done consumes our mind. Something we long to rid from our memory, our history.
I am completely sure almost every day I do something I know I will have to repent for later. Every time, though, I don't worry too much about it, at least, not anymore. I've reached a point to where it's so common that I give little thought to it. Yes, I recognize it's a mistake, but I also recognize that it's normal. It's what reminds me that I'm not some sort of machine.
I guess I'm just trying to remind myself that it's okay to smoke cigarettes. I'm trying to remind myself that it's okay to eat another fry. Reminding myself being awkward is alright because it's what I was born to be. Not sure if people understand that it's okay to admit being wrong. Don't worry about your ego so damn much.

It's remorse

2012-02-16T21:52:00.000-08:00

that I'm feeling.
It's anger that is felt for my actions. Pushing people is never the way to achieve. There really was not any pushing emotionally, but to some extent I felt as there was.
It was never a simple task to give things time when one is impatient as I can be. My actions are very sudden and others around sometimes don't like it.
I like going fast, some don't. I need to learn that.

It Almost Hurts to Know That

2012-02-05T20:29:00.000-08:00

we are not dating yet.
The soothing sound of your words floating into my ears and directly into the deepest core of my emotional heart. When the corners of your eyes wrinkle from a smile that is insanely beautiful. So beautiful, that it should be impossible. When you say my name, even though it's said wrong most of the time, I still get a whole set of goosebumps that raise hairs on the back of my neck. The shivers down my spine when given your intense stare. The amusing tone you take when mocking others to make me laugh. As well as your incredible laugh when I am lucky enough to mutter something that interests you.
I don't think it's realized how special you are. The emotions I feel are so genuine and honest for you. The butterflies I get are so hard to control. It makes me a little sad to state, but at times my stomach is in such knots that I feel like throwing up. You is all I ever think and speak about. I can feel others loathing me since all that ever slips out my mouth is adjectives describing you. You are so inconceivably spectacular. I want the arms that belong to you to be holding onto me. I crave for your emotions about me to be as strong as mine are for you.
In other words, I'm in like with you.

Appreciation Post

2012-02-03T22:10:00.000-08:00

Almost every day I express such a sincere gratitude for being alive. I am appreciative for the unconditional love surrounding me. The mornings are filled with an abundance of "thank yous" and "I love." Recently, not a moment crosses me where it's felt that anything is unfair. Acceptance for the way things are has only made the person in me feeling invincible.
I treat most with the love and respect that most rightfully deserve. I no longer am as shy as I once was, so the compliments are constantly leaving my lips without a single hesitation.
Reasons as to why this is lingering my mind is the upcoming holiday of Valentine's Day. I am captivated by people's abilities to be bright and amazing. A single being can make another human blissful. Every person can be a large influence on our thoughts and day to day ideas. Love and admiration doesn't necessarily have to consist of being "in love." It is easy to love and not be in a relationship, or even feel "that way" toward a person. For many do I feel a strong platonic love. Their company is adored and is not taken for granted. The laughter comes naturally being around those who are worth it. The smiles can not be hidden when feeling that true enlightenment from the inside out. Being mirthful is easy.
Though the feelings are honest and simple to hold to, it is wished to have one person to where the love is not platonic. I am not insisting that a physical relationship is what could make a relationship better, but being with a person who is devoted to only you is an endlessly beautiful conviction.
My heart has been traveling from one to another. Longing for the feel of a mature, honest passion. A being who has the ability to pick up my emotions when they are at their lowest. Be around for the moments where happiness is wafting through my aura. Mutual love. For large amounts of time I've yearned for that sort of affair. I know soon it will be with me. This is known.

I don't know if you've felt this

2012-01-02T09:05:00.000-08:00

However, I'm sure you have. I know you feel like I do at some point. You want to leave where you live. The availability of a home that isn't owned by the two who made you. The comfort of the thought that the dishes can be done tomorrow. The room you occupy isn't at high demand to be cleaned at that very moment.
I'm constantly jumping back and forth from my parents because they both don't understand what it is to be parents. My father and I don't always agree which leads to arguments that could have been refrained from easily from the start. My mother will feel something and make sure everyone else does as well. I can assure you, that her feelings are rarely happy ones.
I will not allow my thoughts to seep into detail, but I can completely believe that you, reader, know exactly what I imply from all of this. Everyone has had to deal with their parents at some point and, to me at least, it seems as though it's getting worse since I'm becoming older. At this time period of my life it's mainly my mother.
I dream of the days I move out, I long for the days I can be in silence. I feel forlorn when I realize I only have such little time to be 18, but still it seems as though time goes so slow.

Getting into 2012 and Happy

2011-12-29T15:26:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in this blog in over a year now, well, almost. I really couldn't tell you why I haven't. I'm sure I just forgot to, I forget a lot. This might start a bit off since I've yet to really sit down and type in a long time. Sometimes, I go for so long that I feel as though I no longer can properly sort my ideas. I've always felt that way, though. Regardless if I really could or not. On to more important ideas now.
It's almost the end of 2011, and I'm happy to report that I'm absolutely fine. I've grown quite some in the time I haven't been blogging. I've realized what is worth fighting for and what isn't. I've learned most of the lessons I should have learned sooner and paid my dues for it. I'm in a constant daze, but I've grown used to it. It's come to my realization that this daze is my body and mind's way of pulling me from my problems. The daze works fabulously I have to admit, for I could completely keep calm in a situation that one might normally panic in.
I'm 17 going on 18. I re read some of the past posts I had posted. I'm not afraid anymore. Those are one of the lessons I learned this year. Not to be afraid of the unknown, or at least show it. Though I wanted to be terrified about growing up and hope that someone might take pity and keep me calm, I know now it's not the way it works. In this world, unfortunately, we all have to fend for ourselves. People are so busy fighting, loving, crying, laughing in their own worlds that they don't have the time to do that for you. Most times, it's not to be selfish, it's simply that fact that they can't live for you. No one can see through your eyes and make your actions. Learn to live with and love what you have.
Now that love and living was mentioned, always remember that you don't always love who you live with. Also, don't expect there to always be living with who you think you love. Everyone doesn't get everything they want. They don't. Simple fact of life. It's more difficult to accept this and move on rather than to try and fix it. There aren't loopholes, if you weren't aware. However, I digress.
I moved out of my dad's house because we didn't get along. It didn't matter than I was his daughter, it didn't matter that we never crossed paths, and it didn't matter that we both tried. Our personalities simply do not combine and thus resulting in my move to my mother's home. It's great here and I've been able to progress in my life twice as much in a short time span. My mother and I didn't get along for a good amount of time, but we've worked on that and have been able to fix some of the problems we had. She's helped me become stronger and more valiant as a person. I couldn't express to you my gratitude in words.
With much love and forcefulness I've grown up. I'm not an adult yet, that was never stated. However, I am more stable and mature mentally. When things are just not meant to be the emotions in my body simple turn in another direction. If there isn't appreciation with the love being given to a person, I plainly stop, and rethink myself.
Recently, this year, everything is loved and appreciated and this has only made me happier. It's basic to exert passion to people and things so that everyone has that visual description. Even so, there is a contrast to exerting love for people around to notice and genuinely love and notice it within yourself. Obviously, one comes first so to feel the happiness makes more the difference than showing those that you can mimic affection.
As of now, this is all I can come up with to type about with you. Reading all of this won't make a difference to me if you did or didn't. These are purely my emotions tossed into another world where nothing is secret. I'm okay with this. I want those to know that maybe we all should discover some solitude. Tranquility is such a spiritual feel to get in touch with. The feeling of being alone and being alright with oneself is all a person needs sometimes.

The End of 2010

2010-12-31T15:15:00.000-08:00

  Here I am, sitting at my computer on New Years Eve, listening to Passion Pit, about to reveal to you the good/bad times of this year. We've all come a long way, and I personally have changed drastically. I think I've changed in a lot of things, it's not just my taste in music or clothing. It's my perspective, it's the way I feel on a day to day bases.
  I moved away from my original birth location 2 years ago, and I feel so different now. I've finally gotten used to this place I'm at now. I finally feel more comfortable. I remember 2 years ago, I was so confused I was so angry. So many emotions ran through me, I didn't know which one to listen to. I felt like I would hate it until I left, I didn't realize I would grow to love many aspects of where I'm at now. I'm glad I tried and I made friends.
  I had one friend that I was very very close to, that I had to leave behind when I moved. Our relationship wasn't as it used to be. She moved on and grew up, as did I. We tried to keep our friendship together and sometimes it was so difficult that I wanted to just toss it and pretend it never happened. To leave our friendship behind and simply leave it at that. She didn't let me, and at first I was angry about that, but now I see she had reason. She was possibly the only real friend that I had and giving up our friendship was like throwing away diamonds. We finally got through everything and honestly I think things between us are going to be a lot more amazing now that we've rekindled what we had lost.
  Speaking of growing up, this upcoming year I will be 17. I don't really think much about it. It's just another year, but after 17 I'll be 18. Now, that's terrifying to me. In all honesty I'm not completely terrified, it's more of a mixed emotions. I'm excited to get older only because I know I will be allowed a lot more freedom. Then again, I'll slowly be seeping into the direction of 'adult hood'. I don't want to be an adult, because I feel like I won't make it. If I do, it'll only be by a sliver like the rest of my life has been. I can't see myself in the future. So, as you can see it's more then just an age to me, I over look a lot of things and believe me have I over looked being 18.
  I'm still trying to get through a lot of more situations and my battle is not finished. Just because we will be embracing 2011 in a few hours does not mean that the problems will disappear when the clock turns 12. There is still much of my life I

Nature vs. Nurture

2010-10-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

It's always been a curiosity to me to know whether society makes you who you are today or are you simply born to be the way you are now. If you're a very religious person, were your parents your influence? Did you always know you wanted to dedicate yourself so much to your religion? Did you always think you would simply be a moral abiding follower? Or are your friends very religious and you just felt it was necessary to do what they wanted to do because you want to make people happy, well, are you?

I've always been my own person. I've never really let anyone tell me how to live. Then again, I won't lie to you and tell you that my environment hasn't influenced me at all, because it has. I've always been easily influenced to listen to the music that I do, to dress the way I do, and sometimes even think the way that I do, but it's only played a small role. I know who I am and I know where to draw my personal boundaries.

For example, I am a lesbian. Was this because all of my friends where bisexual and experimenting with their sexuality? No, it wasn't. Although, it played a small role in the fact that I was able to be more comfortable with my sexuality, making it easier to come out to friends and family.

I think this partially answers the Nature vs. Nurture question.
This being my opinion of course.

Men.

2010-07-27T03:39:00.000-07:00

I don't like them.

I know, you might think I'm joking, or that there is no possibly way to 'hate' men. Well, I'm sorry, but I do. I feel frightened and angry when I'm alone with them, and no, it's not boys my own age, I get along well with them, it's adult, full grown men. They scare the crap out of me. I seriously do not know why, or can't imagine how or why this happened. I just feel that way now.
I know it's because I was raped, but could it really have had that much impact on me? To the extent where being alone with any man, yes, even my own father, makes me uncomfortable. I see daughters hold the hands and arms and hug their fathers so willingly, and I can't hug my own father without wanting to immediately push away and run away..
I wish I knew someone who went through what I did, and who could help me understand why I have such a scary deep hatred for men. Could it also be past relationships? Maybe guys in the very past breaking my heart didn't help, but contributed to the situation?
It's probably a good idea to have a therapists. It's not weird, and it isn't different. People over react with the whole seeing a counselor or therapist, saying that only 'crazy' people see them. In reality, normal people just go to figure themselves out because sometimes you just can't do it alone.

Scream loud and get it out.

2010-07-27T03:29:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling so unlucky these past few weeks. I just found out a few days ago that my father hated me the first year that I lived with him. I ordered a pair of shoes from a very nice place and it's taken about a month to get here only because when they came they were too small for me. That isn't all, I also wanted to buy a guitar hero game and I had to go through a few stores to finally find it. I'm starting to wonder if it's because I really did break a mirror, or does it come along with the depression that's contained inside me.
You wouldn't believe that I had depression if I hadn't had told you, but because I'm not ignorant. I'm not like all the other girls who cry aloud, pout, and do all kinds of silly things to call for attention. Issues such as suicide, depression and all those types have been now known as 'attention seekers'. You no longer really know if people who claim have the issues really do or not. Maybe if they don't show it? Maybe they have to bottle feelings inside to prevent themselves from more pain. Pain from what? Well, people find out and they point fingers and either make fun of you or say you just want attention.
I'm sick of that, people need to realize that this isn't something to take lightly, or to consider if you aren't really ill.
I've been truly depressed for a while, and I don't have anyone to talk to about this. They all tell me the same thing, or they are simply bad at giving me advice so they suggest I find myself a boyfriend. Yes, because I love men, though I'm attracted to only women and because men solve all the problems that a 16 year old girl contains.
Which also brings me to my next issue.
Why are girls, so young, and already depending on men to be in their lives? Girls grow up so fast sometimes. I mean, you date a guy for a month and suddenly you're in love and you couldn't imagine your life without him, when just a month ago you were living and imagining your life and he obviously wasn't in it. I feel bad for the girls who feel like the only way to make them happy is to have a boyfriend at their side.
I don't like men.
I'll start a different blog on that because I keep trailing off from one topic to another.

Just so much is crowded my thoughts...

Growing Older

2010-07-08T18:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, I'm sixteen now. I don't feel like an adult yet, but I already know I will be an adult in a few more years and that scares me. I miss the years when I had barely turned fourteen and was excited to find out my curfew was pushed to an hour later. I might not have a curfew anymore when I'm older for I won't even be able to go out too often. I'd be stuck inside my apartment doing work all day. That terrifies me.

Though, I'm also excited for my career. I still don't even know what I want to be. Though, I know, when I find out I'll be the best at it. I'd stay in when I wouldn't have to, I'd do double what every worker does. I don't say it because I'll kissing the bosses bum, I might be the boss. I declare everything because I think if you're going to have a career you should love what you do and not dread getting up early to get ready for work.

2010-06-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I have so much I want to say, but I can't find the words to start. I've never liked starting off stories, paragraphs, essays, anything really having to do with writing. Why? It's obvious. There are so many sorts of ways to begin. There are multiple examples, multiple beginnings. I've always enjoyed reading the starts with you having no clue what's going on, but you're still drawn to the book. You want to read on and see where the main character is, what they're feeling. The first few pages you start to read feel like a simple mixture of words that do not make sense. You don't know anything that's going on. Finally, the authors decides it's time for you to finally realize why you even picked up the book in the first place. From there on, you're glued to that book. It's mysteries make you so excited to simply turn the page. That's a good book.
Those are the type of books I like to read. Those are the sorts of books I'd like to write someday. It would be nice to become an author. I wouldn't write any fiction until I became more accustomed to my writings, I figure it would obviously be a very different and odd experience for me. I would rather "stick to what I know". I would most likely start off with little memoirs and maybe an autobiography. With time and experience I would be able to be comfortable enough to create my own stories. Entirely of my wildest dreams.
I'd also like to write because it would make me feel more important as a person. If any of my books became famous, I'd feel like I mattered. My story people took the time to read, to absorb. It would be a wonderful feeling.

-Halo

Writer's Block

2010-06-28T05:28:00.000-07:00

Writer's block
It's horrible,
You feel as if your only outlet to free whatever demon is trapped inside you
is shut down.
You feel so clogged.
Feeling as if you're drowning in your own brain.
You swim as fast as your body lets you
Hold in your breathe, for it could be your last one
Searching for your plug in the tub of words
You spot it, though opening your eyes is the worst possible thing to do
You're so close
Your body passes right by it and you manage to feel it scrap against your skin
This is a step up, now you know it isn't your imagination
You make a U turn back to the plug and you're running out of breath,
but you don't care. You know once you get this unplugged you're free.
You can't quit.
So close
Again, you're scraped by the plug.
You stare right at it
It's laughing at your failed attempts.

That's how writer's block looks to me.

[insert amazing title here]

2010-06-14T14:34:00.000-07:00

Stories are spectacular.

Stories are what others want you to know.

They tell you without asking how their lives have been.

They explain why this happened..and so on.

It would be nice to have everyone write their story.

That could cure any sort of closure.

I don't have this blog to obtain followers.

I don't explain my demented thoughts and wonders

to anyone to get anything.

I just want my feeling to come out of the small bottle

they have lived in for years.

I'm only 15, but you would never understand how past 15 my mind works.

I don't think like regular 15 year old girls.

I think thoughts you would never believe.
I listen to such sophisticated chatter that most likely my own father might never listened to.

With that being said, don't think me to be cocky, don't think me to be a genius.

The simple matter is I enjoy stories, I enjoy the sophistication of the what the mind beholds.

The mind is so unlike anything else.
Every average human has the same brain structure.

Every human is alike. It's how you carry your mind.

It can be very dangerous or possibly the most useless.
It all comes down to their owner.

I ramble, a lot.
I haven't written anything since January so my mind has carried a lot of thoughts and ideas.

When I try to let go just one at a time everything starts to pour out.

So, excuse the meaningless rambles.

I really keep more care of this blog.
As I said earlier, not for followers not for it to somehow become out there.
I want it for me to read in the future and see how my ideas about anything have changed.

-Halo

Why am I still alone?

2010-01-02T02:08:00.000-08:00

I know I am not that unattractive whereas I could not find anyone. I shower regularly and I make sure my teeth are brushed. I don't tend to be obnoxious and I think I am very sweet to those who deserve it. Especially people I like. So what is going on here? I do not mean to rush, but why am I still single? I also do not mean to be selfish when I say I think I truly deserve it. There have been so many people who cheat on their lovers, who beat them physically as well as verbally. I do not do any of this sort of nature. I in fact am very lovable. Is there something I still need to learn before I can move on? Is there someone out there who's meant to be mine that I am just not catching on too? I wish I knew what was going on. I guess I am not ready. I see so many couples together happy. I want something like that. I want that sort of happiness. I want someone to hold me and love me. Only time will tell.

The End.

2009-11-17T19:29:00.000-08:00

I thought dying was the right way

to go.

I thought suicide is the easy way out..

People might never know this, but

During an average say shower I tried to

kill myself.

I was getting there, but something stopped me.

I hate my life, I hate my family.

No one knows how to support.

I wouldn't mind being dead really.

It would be great to wish myself dead.

It would be a life saver,

but I guess thinks aren't that easy..

Go steady with me.

2009-11-01T18:41:00.000-08:00

I've thought and over thought a lot in my life.

I've come to a few conclusions.

I don't want anyone else;

What I mean is, I've had my eye one someone.

Someone special, someone with whom I know

could work out.

She might never understand what I'm trying to imply.

She might never know that I care about her more

than I have ever cared for another girl.

I don't ever dare to tell her anyways.

She might never see me the way I see her.

I don't care.

I want someone;

There is a big difference in

wanting than

desperation.

I've have so much love built up.

So many hugs, so many kisses.

That I want to share with one special girl.

She would be my queen, she would be my sun.

I would treat her like she's the most

unexplainable beauty this world

has to offer.

I've come to realize;

I don't want to date bi girls.

They don't appeal to me only

because they're aren't sure of themselves.

Or is it just me.

So many girls that are bi,

usually prefer guys.

I'm obviously not a guy.

So I want a girl to want a girl.(:

A single testicle is all it takes..

2009-10-24T19:15:00.000-07:00

To make a child.

A single heart is all the is needed

to fall in love.

Maybe those two examples clash

horribly

but

I don't care how bad or good

something

sounds.

I just need to get my points across.

Why is it that so many human beings

underestimate the goodness of love?

Everyone thinks it's so hard to find and

you should keep it when it comes to you.

And at the start of a relationship

Thats all you do.

Maintain it, fertilize it, use it.

But when things go wrong for a simple reason.

You give up?

Why?

Was this love not worth the fix?

The fight?

Love is not depended on how a person looks.

Love isn't counted on how much money and person

has in their pocket

at the moment.

And for sure love is never going to be about

what gender or race the people are.

Love is uncondtional.

Love is a dream.

Love can honestly be found..

if you look in all the right places.

I'm not gonna say I wanna die but..

2009-10-17T22:46:00.000-07:00

Boy do I always think about it.

I shouldn't take the biggest gift God gave me..

I know that.

but sometimes it's so difficult to

look on the bright side when

things are getting pretty bad.

I don't have much family.

I don't have much of friends.

I mean, I do have friends, but I don't

always count on them

Because I know they won't be there

for me when my life crashes down on me.

I always think about death..

Too much do I think about it sometimes.

It's not the fact that I want to die.

I'm simply curious about what's on

"the other side"

I want to know what people see..

Or don't see ever again.

Do they have their own world?

Do they have their own little government..

Or do they have their own entirely different

galaxy?

So many possibilities..

My rediculous ocd doesn't

let me relax sometimes.

I always thought I was schizo..

I always thought I was crazy if anyone knew

what i'd think about

on a daily basis..

But

At this point of my life.

I could care less.

Cause I think everything

and everyone is entitled

to their own opnion.

And every opnion should be heard.

It's almost here.

2009-10-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

Wow, It's almost Halloween.

Then thanksgiving..

Then Christmas..

and then.

A brand new year is on the way.

Not to long ago I remember January

Talking to my dad in the car

saying

"Dad, this year is going to be very accomplishing for me(:

I can feel it."

and personally I think I've lived up to my years promise.

I can't wait to move out,

I can't wait to make my own life.

Without someone else's rules and regulations.

what would you do if..

2009-10-03T11:36:00.000-07:00

Your world came caving in?

if you saw that you didn't have enough to eat?

If you weren't able to find your soulmate?

Or love at all?

Questions as these, and so many more

linger the smallest corner of my mind..

Each and everyday.

Sometimes I wish I could sit in my room

all day

and ponder every single thought that floats into my

mind.

I wish I could fix things.

I wish I could be the one people consider a

"life saver"

I simply wish I could be everything.

-Halo.

SpecialPeopleOfLife.

2009-08-12T19:35:00.000-07:00

Okay so. This blog is going to go out to some very important people. It'll be pretty long since I have about 4 people to get to and each person might end up getting about 2 paragraphs. And the reason why I wanna write and make this blog is because yes my heart has enough room for them, but they are so important in my life I think I need the world to know exactly how much they mean to me. Okay, so it might be as interesting and pleasing to you, if say, I wrote about you instead of them. But sorry love, I know them.. not you. First up has to be:

2.Ty: a friend.

I haven't known her too long, but as school goes on I'll get to know her more and more. The reason why she's on my list [not the bad kind] is because she wasn't like everyone else. I first moved in the middle of the year to a new school and I knew no one of course. But maybe one person and that person I didn't even have in any of my classes, so the first few days were pretty quiet. Finally I got up courage and starting talking to Ty and she turned out to be pretty cool. Suddenly, we started talking way more and more. Next thing you know I'm staying over her house and sneaking in ha ha. :] and things kinda went on their path. So here we are now and things are great between our friendship and I can trust her with everything and I know she won't think any different of me. Which is exactly what I look for in a friend.

2. Jacqueline Mena: A sister.

I met her when I was in 7Th grade. Ironically I never thought I would be her friend on account of the fact I thought she was mean. One of our mutual friends Ronnie starting to comment on how we looked alike and I started to ask her "You really think I look like you?" and she started to answer back and somehow our conversations started flowing a little more easily and not as tense as when we first started talking. Also, what really helped is that she liked a guy I had known for some while and it started to kinda give her a reason to talk to me about him and ask me things. And as had happened for me and Ty we started waking home after school together, we watched TV and ate burnt pancakes together, her mom was becoming a second mother to me. Everything was perfect and we never fought. Somehow during a full summer we lost track but ever since then we made up and still talk. Not only that but she's going to come to my new school which is going to be great because she'll be near and I won't have to plan and make appointments to see her. She's my everlasting blood sister.

3. Matthew Robertson: A lover.

He's only been in my life for such a sort period of time. Although time can't tell how much love and care I feel for this person. He's the kind of person you see and talk to and just seem to fall into his words and conversation can flow so easy and you don't need to be there and you don't need to know him in person to have to talk about simple everyday things. Also, I can talk to him about anything and he will listen to what I honestly and truly have to say. Even though he's not so good at feeling ones emotions he literally went all the way and tried to understand me and I truly love his effort. He carrys alot of traits and personality, the kinds I've looked for. He's not the kind to immediately accuse, he's not a liar, he's not so much of a self centered person but I'm fixing that. :] We share so much. E.g. Our music, the way we think, the way we see things. It's not everything of course since we aren't the exact same, but most of things I can honestly say he gets me. I hope we end up fulfilling the plans we had made and discussed together. I wanna have this life I've seriously and truly planned out because I don't want to have to have everything hung halfway. I think I've officially fallen in love again.

4.Riley Newmoon: A great acquaintance.

I've learned in this world that even the people you never thought you could care about so much. Are there. Okay, so I wrote acquaintance because this is how everything started out. As just "Oh, I know you we talk that's it." But I've seemed to really recognize her as a clear and true friend. Weather she wants to believe it I personally fully consider her a best friend. If she doesn't well that's fine for me. I haven't earned that much enough yet. Since I can't see Ty and Jacqueline so often she's filled their spots obviously not their friendship. She saw me through my toughest times and I felt so embarrassed I never wanted anyone to see some of the things that happened that day, but of course I can not stop what has been done. She didn't say anything wrong and she simply brushed it over and talked to me about it. She really helped me, and ever since that day I think she's the kind of friend everyone needs. Again, I don't mind if she says "Oh just a friend." because I know she's still as close as a best friend could be.

So, these people have made such huge impacts on my life. These people can not go and say "I don't think I've done anything to change any one's world." Because that would be a lie. They've fixed and remolded my world. They made it easier to live in. I can relate to these specific four people and each in different ways. I feel glad that good people like these are still around. I'm also very fortunate that it was me who these people affected. When I thought I was in turmoil and wasn't going to last another day. They showed up.

And to these people.

A great big Thank You.

-HaloMetalWing.

And So Far..

2009-08-12T14:48:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog and since my friend showed me this site. This for sure will not be my last one. I know for a sure fact I will not forget this site after being on it, since I need to get my story out. I feel everyone has a story weather it's good or bad. Some people really need to get theirs out there.

My real name is not Halo, but this is the alter ego that I carry with me everywhere. I shall stick to Halo and nothing else. Sometimes ur alter ego is a prefered name.

Which is in my case.

I am a 9th grader and prett

y much okay with it. I don't know why people say the first day of school is bad and scary and all this bull. I personally know it won't be. The staff just can't leave kids and make them think they know exactly where they are and should be going.

Umm, I don't have much to say really since I'm going through a phase of writers block right now. Although when that phase is over I will for sure get back to you on that.

Soon to see you all again.

-HaloMetalWing.